Do you take your children for granted?

By On · 4 Comments · In Balance, Guilt, Time

I know I do. When you’re in the thick of it, it’s easy to wish the day to end and move on but before we get a chance to come up for breath, our little treasures have grown up! I often forget this.

As I was walking to nursery the other day, I kept thinking how much longer would I be taking the kids to nursery/school for. My eldest son, Antonio starts school in September, so big changes for all of us soon…eeek…that’s a future blog and challenge i’m burying my head in the sand for now!! Antonio is nearly 4.5 years old and the time has gone so quick.  I’m sure the next 4.5 years will go even quicker. So for me when I think of it in those terms, it makes me realise I want to enjoy this truly precious time.

I often complain (to myself!) why do I have to do the dropping off and picking up from nursery. Why me?? Another thing I have to do in my already busy life. But when I think of not doing it, my breath catches. I do want to do it. I do enjoy it. It’s our ritual and while some days it’s a bit nearing to the edge of loosing the plot with the boys, most of the time it’s fun. We tell stories, the boys show me their moves on their scooters and seeing them settled with their friends at nursery, all happy, safe and ready to have lots of fun for the day 🙂

Let’s savour our time. Kids can be tough and challenging and I sometimes wonder why I ever did have them. Yes we all have dark days!! But they are so amazing and bring so much joy and are so insightful. I sometimes stand back in awe of them and have to pinch myself that I am their mum and my breath catches again.

Take a moment today and savour it. Tomorrow is another day and can wait. Don’t put off having fun with your treasures, just do it and watch their little faces light up, their cheeky smiles appearing, now that’s pure magic.

Post a comment and let me know what has come up for you from reading this blog.

Do our children need certainty, routine and stability in their life

By On · 2 Comments · In Balance, Guilt, Identity, Time

I grew up in a very stable family. Parents at home every evening and our evenings were always the same. We had our routine and everyone knew what each other were doing and what time we would all be home. While some people might read this and think, boring (!) for me as a child this gave me incredible comfort and security. A sense of knowing, certainty and stability.

Family life these days can be very different. The working day doesn’t necessarily end with both parents finishing work at 5.30 pm, coming home and it’s family time. We now may have extensive travel in our jobs, flexi hours, networking events, working from home or running our own business, both of which can blur the boundaries between working time and family time, etc. Every evening a parent could be out or both parents could be out and you call in the babysitter. What effect is this having on our children? Will mum and dad be there this evening if I need them? The child may ask…

I am all for owning our lives, having our goals, wanting things just for us outside of being a parent or outside the family even. But have we gone too much the other way and are not realising our unintended impact on our children.

For me, a feeling has been getting stronger and stronger that I need to consider my family while fulfilling my dreams. How do I find the right balance and be fully present with whichever hat I am wearing at that moment? Be it mum, wife, life coach, student, legal secretary, friend, daughter, sister etc.

Lately most evenings either my husband or I are not around to put our boys to bed. Our boys recently have also been playing up and I have been labeling them as being ‘naughty’ BUT are they crying out for us to just be with them and not be on calls, flying off somewhere, going to that networking event. My gut is telling me to slow down and be home more for them.  If my business can’t grow as fast as I would ideally like it to, then so be it. Right now, I need to be putting my boys to bed.

Is living in the fast paced world we live in affecting your family?

If you would like support to evaluate where you are right now, what’s important to you, create a purposeful life for you and your family,  I would love to hear from you and have a chat.

Love, Connection, Coming Home

By On · 2 Comments · In Balance, Identity, Time

I remember from a very young age arriving at my grandparents house and how it made me feel. A sense of love, connection and coming home. Back in the days (!), my family didn’t have much spare change and travel between countries was not so easy.  My parents would save their pennies all year round for our trip to Galicia, Spain to see the family.

What strikes me now as an adult and parent, is even as a very young child, when I didn’t see my grandparents for a year or two, and for a child, that could be an eternity, I never forgot how they made me feel when I went to see them. Feelings of being unique, special and loved was always on offer in bucket loads.

This was also a time of no skype or email and in the early days calling was a luxury. But this never made any difference to our connection and love even when apart for so long.

I can still vividly remember arriving at their house in Moreda in our car, and feeling like I was home. The raw emotion shown between all of us when we saw each other was truly breath-taking. To show up so vulnerable and be fully present was awesome. I was safe and everything was ok. It was my sanctuary and was for many years, into my teens and twenties. Sadly, my amazing grandparents have now passed but their memory will always be a part of me and how they made me feel and the gifts they gave me.

So this got me thinking. The space they created was wonderful but what was it that made it last for months and months inside me when I was back in London and away from them? What comes up for me is how my parents felt about them, treated them, spoke about them, were around them and the intense emotions they had for them. As a child, you see, sense, hear, and take things into your subconscious which makes a huge impact on you as a child and which you carry with you into adulthood.

My awareness of how I am being around my own children has brought up very interesting questions, doubts and guilt. I want to create that safe container for them, filled with love, emotion, connection and warmth. Not only how I interact with them needs to be treated with love, respect and lots of consideration but also how they see me interact with others has a huge impact on them also. Don’t shy from showing those close to you emotion and letting your children see how much people mean to you. Show your children how you are with those you love and respect by being vulnerable, open, being authentically you.

In what ways can we give our children this gift and what are the possibilities when we do.

The Power of the Body

By On · Add Comment · In Balance, Identity, Time

Before having babies, I was very much in tune with my body and I looked after it very well. After having my first baby I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. The changes were very drastic and I was scared to try to do anything about it, fearing it was a lost cause. What I realised after a long while, was that the main issue was not how I physically looked, although that is very important to me, but at the top of the list of importance was that I was out of tune with my body and how much it meant to me to actually feel my muscles, feel my body working together with me.

If you’ve read my earlier blogs, you will know I have a passion for bikram yoga. I found bikram a few years before having my babies and was hooked. Unfortunately I let life take over and left the practice of bikram. The usual excuses of moving house, organising our wedding, pregnancy, having babies etc. I took the plunge two years ago and got back into it for a few months and I was on it!! But once again I let it slide and other priorities took over. A few weeks ago I went back to bikram and it felt great. But it wasn’t like it used to be. Bikram used to calm me as soon as I walked into the room, and all thoughts were left outside. This was my time and my gift to myself. To completely immerse myself in meditation and feel my inner being. But this time I was not in tune with me and I was all in my head. My mind kept racing, what was next on the to do list, how much could I get done before picking up the kids etc, when I really needed to be clearing my mind and cleansing my body to get the maximum benefit from the practice.

 I had been so out of touch with my body, I couldn’t feel it but after one session of bikram and many since then, I am definitely feeling my body now and from that place I am starting to find my inner me again. I am waking up as if from a long sleep. My strength is coming back. I am more clear headed and alert. The fog is lifting. Being back in my body and feeling what is going on with it is making me more aware and better serves me to deal with the wonderful life I have.

Being in tune with my body makes me whole again. The focus is on the whole of me, not only my mind but also my body and spirit. Getting to know my desires, what nourishes me, why I react the way I do to things, to people, or feel the way I do about certain situations. This knowledge comes from my inner me, not my mind, but from my intuition, my curiosity, my inner resources, ME.

 Our body is our best guide and knows us exceptionally well.

Feel it, trust it, be guided by it.

Finding appreciation

By On · Add Comment · In Balance, Identity, Time

Finding appreciation in what you do, want to do but is tough, at what life may throw at us.

When I first thought about blogging, I was petrified. Telling others my thoughts, opinions, my way of parenting, showing vulnerability, being on show, no way…it was too much to ask of little ol’ me.  At first I couldn’t break down the wall I had built around me over this issue. So what could I do to get me closer to the end goal, blogging in this instance. I started by putting on FB a status of my thoughts, opinions and sent it to my friends. Even this was tough, but I did it and once I did, it wasn’t so bad. I kept doing it until the fear passed. Then came writing an actual blog. It was an incredible wall to climb, knock down but I did it. And I am so thankful I found the courage to do so. Out of what once was fear and the unknown, has come great appreciation for the gift blogging has given me. Without knowing when I started, blogging has helped me by getting my thoughts down on paper, by processing the million things going on in my head, to create much needed space. It has been incredibly therapeutic and soul soothing. Plus I have realised I love to write.

It is sometimes hard to face the fear and do it anyway, let alone find appreciation in things you might not even like to do, but feel you have to, or people you might not like very much, but have to spend time with. Appreciation can be found in anything and everything if you look hard enough and change your perspective and once you find the appreciation, the learning can be incredible.

Does anything come to mind for you from reading this? Or do you have a challenge you are currently facing? Try finding the appreciation in that challenge and see what comes up for you.

Anything you like to share, I would love to hear from you. We learn from others, so let’s share for all to learn and grow.

Designing tomorrow with your child

By On · 7 Comments · In Balance, Guilt, Time

We all have bad moments with our children, even a whole bad day and then sit stewing wondering how it got so bad and how you could have turned things around. You are the adult after all. But you can’t quite get out of that rut. You and your children have come to expect each others behaviours and it’s hard to break the habit.

Perhaps you struggle in the morning with getting them ready for nursery or school. They want you to read them a story at breakfast and you say ‘no, we don’t have the time’. You raise your voice for them to hurry up and put their shoes on. They refuse to wash their mucky faces and want to play instead or they have a complete tantrum when you pick them up from nursery because they are in the middle of a game with their friends and don’t want to go home. I could go on…

Instead of beating yourself up over your parenting, ask yourself, how do I want to be around my children? what does that look like? how do I want my day with them to be like? When we focus on what we want, step into it, we most certainly are going to receive it.

Now for the really fun part. Take your idea, the idea of your ideal day to your children and design how tomorrow will be with them. If they want a story at breakfast, say you will tell them a story on the way to nursery. If they want to play with their toys when it’s time to wash their face, let them know they can have five minutes of play afterwards or when they come back home. To avoid another tantrum at picking up time, let them know the time you are coming to collect them and to be ready for you, let them know how you will like it to be when you arrive.

Designing tomorrow with your children can be lots of fun. It sets the intention and gets your children involved and creating with you.

Letting go

By On · Add Comment · In Balance, Guilt, Identity, Time

My intention and goal is to send out to my readers a blog post every week. Unfortunately a few weeks ago, due to illness I was unable to do this. I fought with myself, fought again and then fought some more. I couldn’t let go of all that I had to do, my commitments, and it was driving me crazy. Even though I was in bed, supposedly trying to rest and get better, my brain wouldn’t stop churning away. It got so bad, I was still ill a week later. But along the way, I had to learn to let go.

I think part of why I wasn’t healing was because I was carrying around all this negative energy. In fact, I know that was the reason. There was nothing I could do about my to do list, my blog post, not to mention the state of my house, but it was really getting to me.

I had to figure out a way to let go and just concentrate on me and getting better. What really turned it around was realising what my true priorities were and the bigger picture. And that for now, I had to come first. Now for a mum, that is something we sometimes forget to do or don’t even consider. Can it be about us and just us?? YES IT CAN!!!

I went back to the drawing board, went back to basics, and gave myself permission to look after just me for a few days and not think about anything else. Now I was lucky in that I have my super husband Cuan Mulligan to support me. He was great and took the kids to nursery, picked them up and put them to bed. Yeah, he’s great 🙂

For me it was a huge awakening that I do need to come first at times and I need to let go of my many hats that I put on and carry round in my Mary Poppins bag. I need to be healthy both physically and mentally to do what I want to do and have the life I want for me and my family.

What are you holding onto that needs letting go? We sometimes get so focused on the now, we forget about the tomorrow. We get so focused on others, we forget about ourselves and our needs.

I would love to hear what you are letting go, or even what you can’t let go.

What happens when you’re on the tube and your 2.5 year old says out loud ‘i need a pee’

By On · Add Comment · In Balance, Identity, Time

Now whose been there…come on own up??

Well it happened to me a few months ago and once upon a time I would have panicked and become all anxious. But instead I became a creative, resourceful mum.

I got off at the next station, all the while asking my son to try to hold it, yeah right! and went in search of a toilet but couldn’t find any so came up with an alternative…I found a quiet corner on the platform, I had a water bottle in my bag and once I’d drank the contents (of the water!), I got my son to pee in the bottle 🙂

Now I realise this might only work with boys but once my son finished, I put the cap back on the bottle, put the bottle in my bag and we got on the next train and off home we went. For those that are wondering, the contents were disposed off down the toilet once home and the bottle was put in the bin!

Being a mum brings up all sorts of challenges we never thought we would need to deal with. It makes the experience so enriching and character building!!

If you have any stories about being a creative, resourceful mum, I would love to hear from you. Please reply to this post with your story.

Follow your passion

By On · Add Comment · In Balance, Identity, Time

When i look back over the past year, it has been an incredible journey. If someone had told me I would have my own coaching business and clients I would not have believed them. Why? Well because I had previously struggled with a lack of confidence, self believe and direction. Out of something dark, i found my passion.

My journey began with the birth of my first son. In one word, I struggled. Connection is one of my values and being on my own with a baby, sent me down a dark road. I felt disconnected from myself, family, friends and society. I couldn’t wait to get back to my office job as a legal secretary and be me again and hang out with my friends. When baby number two came along a whole set of new challenges and struggles came with it and I was back in the dark hole. Being a mum to two young boys was very overwhelming and i felt i was on a very fast train, watching life go by and i couldn’t take control or get off. I also knew i desperately wanted to fully experience and appreciate being a mum and enjoy this incredible journey I was on. Becoming aware of my needs and wants was a tremendous step and from there a new world opened up to me. As the end of my maternity leave was fast approaching, i realised i didn’t want to go back to my office job and be away from my boys 10 hours a day. So I started looking into what I could do from home, where I would have something for me but also have more free time with my amazing boys.

I didn’t get very far…I was going about this the wrong way…i was being guided by my head and not my heart. Something I found of paramount importance is to find out first what your passionate about, what creates sparks in you, what do you love doing, what do you value in life, in yourself and in others. Once I knew what it was i was passionate about, i had the courage to go for it. I wont lie to you, having your own business and kids, is tough. But don’t let the fear be bigger than the dream. If your doing something that fulfils you, puts a smile on your face, you will find the energy and drive and do it. Our number one asset is our state of mind. Always have your goal in mind, and just think the disservice you will be doing in the world if you didn’t push through with your passion, with your dream. Once you know your passion, identify who is it you want to support. Identifying that group is a great way to find out what their needs are and where they hang out, so you can go to them and let them know you are there for them. Talking to others about your passion is infectious and will bring people to you.

An extra bonus for me was that I had someone to listen to me, guide me and support me. The support was completely impartial. To have someone in my corner, championing me and not letting me forget why I was doing all this.

I suffer from overwhelm very easily, the idea of going from nothing to having a website, sourcing clients was too much. What worked for me was to break down every action and then break that down even further. Baby steps. Focus on what needs to happen right now. Put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Someone once told me from our huge to do lists, define your top three every morning and do only those top 3 that day. Nothing more, nothing else. And the first one at the top of the list should be the hardest ‘to do’, as once that one is completed, you know you’ve done the hardest bit of the day and the rest will be easier. Trust me, this really works.

A tool I found very powerful is having a daily ritual. For me its meditating . A time for me to connect with me, time for some head space, where you get to breath. What is your daily ritual? What does it look like? What is going to fuel you to make your journey?

I also listened to teleseminars of people in my line of business. The majority of these teleseminars are free and are incredibly powerful. Hearing of other women that set up their own business gave me the strength to push through with my passion. Connecting with other women out there in the same boat as you is incredibly refreshing. And guess what….you don’t have to do it on your own. There are many of us to support you along the way. Ask for help, ask for advice, people love to feel wanted and needed.

Some self talk in the good sense, always helps. Make a list of times when you were supported, make a list when you were scared to do something and did it anyway and achieved it. When you are in doubt, go to those lists.

The end result? I have my coaching business, i have clients, i have my website and i get to spend more time with my boys and i loved every moment of my journey and I know this is just the beginning…

Follow your passion, follow your heart, whatever you do, do it with intent and remember your not alone.

Emotional Intelligence

By On · Add Comment · In Balance, Guilt, Identity

Something is out there right now, in the universe giving me some very powerful information that I need to acknowledge and sit with.

In one week, I have come across some amazing articles with regard to another way of parenting. Without being fully aware, I was seeking this and it came to me. Do you find if you focus on something, bad or good it comes true?

I have been a fan of the naughty step. It served us well in the past but I have been carrying around this feeling that it’s no longer as affective as it used to be and just doesn’t feel right anymore. But I have also been a bit at a loss of what to do instead and what is behind this uncomfortable feeling I have been experiencing with my way of parenting. As we all know, when our backs are against the wall, we revert to what we know, whether it works or not, just because it’s habit and when our buttons are pushed we can forgo clarity.

Something I have come to realise as a mum and in my own personal development, is that you need to move on, let go of the past and how things were and deal with the NOW. My kids are older than they were yesterday, last week, last month, last year. They have grown and developed and need new structures and new ways of doing things. Meeting them and their needs NOW is the way forward. Something I think a lot about these days, which I must confess I didn’t when the boys were younger, were their emotional needs. I was there to feed them, clothe them, bath them, play with them, love them, show them affection but I never really thought about the impact I was fully having on them by the way I reacted to them when things didn’t go my way. As they are getting older, their personalities are fighting through, and they are stamping their independence on the world or rather on me! They are finding their voice. Unfortunately, as much I want to believe I am a great mum and will let her kids be who they are, I have tried to put them into a box of how I want them to be. Ummm…this does not bode well for my overall purpose in life which is to give my kids the space to be who they want to be, feel safe in that space to express themselves in their own unique way but that also has boundaries, which are set in a loving way.

I am now trying to look and listen at my boys when something comes up, good or bad and talk rather than shout. Give them lots of cuddles and kisses rather than stand away from them. Try to understand them. Where has that frustration come from and how to help them channel it in a better way. Not get offended or angry when they shout and tell me they don’t love me. They themselves don’t always know where this emotion comes from and telling them to stop shouting, crying, is giving them the message to box up their emotions, rather than showing them how to express their emotions in a better way. I believe Emotional Intelligence is the key that will hold them strong throughout their lives.

I am also aware I have some work to do towards my own emotional intelligence and I do believe, you should practice what you preach. So here’s to 2012 and having a greater understanding of emotional intelligence. Not only for me as a person but also for my family.

As a parent, do you find you are lacking something yourself but expect your kids to have it, but how can they if they haven’t been shown how or have someone to model it  for them so they can learn from it. Becoming a mum has made me grow and develop ME and see areas where I need to work on for ME, my family, and my kids.

What areas are you willing to work on?