I remember from a very young age arriving at my grandparents house and how it made me feel. A sense of love, connection and coming home. Back in the days (!), my family didn’t have much spare change and travel between countries was not so easy. My parents would save their pennies all year round for our trip to Galicia, Spain to see the family.
What strikes me now as an adult and parent, is even as a very young child, when I didn’t see my grandparents for a year or two, and for a child, that could be an eternity, I never forgot how they made me feel when I went to see them. Feelings of being unique, special and loved was always on offer in bucket loads.
This was also a time of no skype or email and in the early days calling was a luxury. But this never made any difference to our connection and love even when apart for so long.
I can still vividly remember arriving at their house in Moreda in our car, and feeling like I was home. The raw emotion shown between all of us when we saw each other was truly breath-taking. To show up so vulnerable and be fully present was awesome. I was safe and everything was ok. It was my sanctuary and was for many years, into my teens and twenties. Sadly, my amazing grandparents have now passed but their memory will always be a part of me and how they made me feel and the gifts they gave me.
So this got me thinking. The space they created was wonderful but what was it that made it last for months and months inside me when I was back in London and away from them? What comes up for me is how my parents felt about them, treated them, spoke about them, were around them and the intense emotions they had for them. As a child, you see, sense, hear, and take things into your subconscious which makes a huge impact on you as a child and which you carry with you into adulthood.
My awareness of how I am being around my own children has brought up very interesting questions, doubts and guilt. I want to create that safe container for them, filled with love, emotion, connection and warmth. Not only how I interact with them needs to be treated with love, respect and lots of consideration but also how they see me interact with others has a huge impact on them also. Don’t shy from showing those close to you emotion and letting your children see how much people mean to you. Show your children how you are with those you love and respect by being vulnerable, open, being authentically you.
In what ways can we give our children this gift and what are the possibilities when we do.
Oh yes, Sonia, I so agree with you. I love the heart you are showing in your posts, full of feeling and emotion. My kids love their grandparents too and it is always wonderful to see them together and feel how connected they are. I know they did that all on their own but I am very close to my wonderful parents and my kids know that too so I guess that had an impact.
Thank you Rona. You are right that our children create their own relationships and credit to you for the wonderful impact you have given them.