Something is out there right now, in the universe giving me some very powerful information that I need to acknowledge and sit with.
In one week, I have come across some amazing articles with regard to another way of parenting. Without being fully aware, I was seeking this and it came to me. Do you find if you focus on something, bad or good it comes true?
I have been a fan of the naughty step. It served us well in the past but I have been carrying around this feeling that it’s no longer as affective as it used to be and just doesn’t feel right anymore. But I have also been a bit at a loss of what to do instead and what is behind this uncomfortable feeling I have been experiencing with my way of parenting. As we all know, when our backs are against the wall, we revert to what we know, whether it works or not, just because it’s habit and when our buttons are pushed we can forgo clarity.
Something I have come to realise as a mum and in my own personal development, is that you need to move on, let go of the past and how things were and deal with the NOW. My kids are older than they were yesterday, last week, last month, last year. They have grown and developed and need new structures and new ways of doing things. Meeting them and their needs NOW is the way forward. Something I think a lot about these days, which I must confess I didn’t when the boys were younger, were their emotional needs. I was there to feed them, clothe them, bath them, play with them, love them, show them affection but I never really thought about the impact I was fully having on them by the way I reacted to them when things didn’t go my way. As they are getting older, their personalities are fighting through, and they are stamping their independence on the world or rather on me! They are finding their voice. Unfortunately, as much I want to believe I am a great mum and will let her kids be who they are, I have tried to put them into a box of how I want them to be. Ummm…this does not bode well for my overall purpose in life which is to give my kids the space to be who they want to be, feel safe in that space to express themselves in their own unique way but that also has boundaries, which are set in a loving way.
I am now trying to look and listen at my boys when something comes up, good or bad and talk rather than shout. Give them lots of cuddles and kisses rather than stand away from them. Try to understand them. Where has that frustration come from and how to help them channel it in a better way. Not get offended or angry when they shout and tell me they don’t love me. They themselves don’t always know where this emotion comes from and telling them to stop shouting, crying, is giving them the message to box up their emotions, rather than showing them how to express their emotions in a better way. I believe Emotional Intelligence is the key that will hold them strong throughout their lives.
I am also aware I have some work to do towards my own emotional intelligence and I do believe, you should practice what you preach. So here’s to 2012 and having a greater understanding of emotional intelligence. Not only for me as a person but also for my family.
As a parent, do you find you are lacking something yourself but expect your kids to have it, but how can they if they haven’t been shown how or have someone to model it for them so they can learn from it. Becoming a mum has made me grow and develop ME and see areas where I need to work on for ME, my family, and my kids.
What areas are you willing to work on?