What is not serving you right now?

By On · 2 Comments · In Balance, Time

I value my sleep very much, lack of it and I turn into a monster. It’s not pretty people. This was and still is unfortunately one of my biggest struggles since becoming a mother. How can I function on less, interrupted sleep or better yet, let’s put plans in place to get me that much needed sleep.

I have two amazing boys. With my eldest son, Antonio, whose now 4, I was very strict since he was little and had a strict rule of him being comforted in his own bed and no co-sleeping was ever contemplated. The result…Antonio is an amazing sleeper, who was able to self soothe and get himself off to sleep from a very young age. And as a mum who needs her sleep, I patted myself on the back for the good job I had done! But then came Tiago, son number 2, whose 2 going on 3 and I slacked off the strictness. He will now get into our bed in the middle of the night and put his little chubby arms around my neck, snuggle in close and tell me he loves his mama. My heart melts and I can’t resist and I let him sleep with me. The problem I have created…no boundaries.  Meaning Tiago now thinks it’s ok to come into our bed in the middle of the night. He is not a good sleeper and it takes ages to settle him back into his own bed, if I can at all, and as I am so tired by then, I give up and let him sleep with me.

I have come to realise I love the way Tiago and I have bonded and connect.  It’s so special but I also realise I am not allowing myself to get my much needed sleep and that is having a negative impact on my life. I wake up tired, I shout at the kids, my head is fuzzy, my immune system is low so I have constant ills and then my diet goes to the crap as I want comfort food to make me feel better.

My plan of action as this can’t continue is to figure out ways to show Tiago he needs to sleep in his own bed, all night. And for us to have our special bond, connection time throughout the day.

Without being too harsh on myself, I do know I have created this issue out of my own needs that do not really serve me and do not serve Tiago and in turn my need to sleep and recharge is being trampled on.

So from tonight, and this might take a few days, so perseverance is paramount, and focusing on the end goal and why I am doing this is my key to success (I hope!).

My plan to get Tiago to sleep all night in his own bed is:

1. Plant the seed. By this I mean, at bedtime let Tiago know that he is sleeping in his own bed tonight, all night. It will probably be met with resistance, but again it’s planting the seed and letting him know what is expected.

2. Let Tiago know that if he sleeps in his own bed all night, he will get a star in the morning. We love our reward chart!

3. If/when Tiago does get up during the night, to put him back in his own bed as many times as necessary and soothe him in his own bed.

My plan to have our connection time is:

1. In the morning, and set a time when you consider it to be morning, mine is 6 am, let Tiago come into our bed and have cuddle time. It’s an amazing way to start the day. Some people meditate, I get cuddles with my boys.

2. Give him the star, if he’s slept in his own bed all night.

3. During the day or when we get home from work/nursery read a book or two or three together, snuggling on the sofa.

I’m going to go off and set this plan in action. Please feel free to use some of my suggestions and put them to use yourself. Take what you need and want from them. These suggestions are what I feel will work for me and my family, I am not suggesting they will work for everyone.

What are you doing that is not really serving you, and what other ways can you have those needs met?

Above all, remember to be gentle with yourselves. We are not perfect and becoming aware of what is not working and then consciously choosing to do something about it, is very powerful.

Do you have a similar story? I would love to hear from you and what worked for you and also what what didn’t work. There is learning in everything we do.

The Power of Being Vulnerable

By On · 6 Comments · In Balance, Identity

It’s amazing the space you create and the gift you give people when you show your vulnerable side and open yourself up to let love in. So many of us believe by being vulnerable, we are going to be hurt, rejected, not loved. I used to be like this. Not let people in and let them see how much I was hurting. If I did, I would be admitting I was weak, I needed support, I could not do it on my own. Another rule I made up! Guess what, we don’t have to do it all on our own, we don’t have to put it all on our shoulders and show the world how resilient we are. In the end, we end up getting ill from the negative energy we build up inside and carry round.

A couple of months ago, I received some bad news. My initial reaction was to close the doors and go to my cave. Deal with the issue internally and show the world I was fine and everything was dandy. But inside I was crumbling, scared and a mess. After some gentle nudging, I ‘opened up’ and told those close to me but again I was very factual and non emotional. Hey, it was a step in the right direction! What completely took me by surprise was at the end of a night out with some very dear friends, I became fully and utterly vulnerable in their presence. I let my guard down, broke down and told them how I truly felt and how much I needed them. The emotional supportive response I got from them was so, so, so powerful. For me to stand ‘naked’ in front of them, so to speak, and be allowed to be me and be held and loved and supported, took my breath away. I had not planned on doing this, it just happened, as most wonderful things do and it felt so right. Their support and courage gives me so much strength and I know I am not alone going through this.

How freeing would it be so say ‘i am not perfect and so what’ and to say, ‘i am in pain’, ‘i need your help’. Go on, try it. Let a loved one in to what is going on with you today. Share with them your pain and overwhelm. It’s very lonely doing everything on your own. We are not meant to be on our own. We are human beings and love to help and feel needed and need to be helped, held and supported.

Deepen a connection with someone today and let them in.

Why didn’t I think to buy another two bottles…it would have made life easier!

By On · Add Comment · In Balance, Identity, Time

Let me tell you a story…it happened over two years ago but it was so powerful, it felt like yesterday.

My sons were 2 years of age and 9 months old respectively and I was in a very dark place. Life was pretty tough and I wasn’t enjoying it. I was in a complete rabbit hole, tunnel vision, call it what you like, but it wasn’t a happy place.

Overwhelmed with being a mum to two young boys and working took its toll. I had no time for me, no head space and was on auto pilot just to get through the day. When I finally broke down and looked into what was really going,  it came down to a very simple thing…I needed to buy two more bottles….

I had stopped breastfeeding by then, and my 9 month old was on bottles and he was a guzzler and had many feeds throughout the day.  What overwhelmed me was the fact I only had four bottles and I felt I was constantly cleaning and steaming them and was going round in circles until someone suggested I buy more bottles to make my life that little bit easier. Now why didn’t I think of that?

When we are in that deep, dark place, it’s very hard to see a way out. It takes someone else who will listen to us, feel our pain and offer a fresh perspective and some very valuable tips. They can be the simplest of things but we can’t see them from where we are.

I know it sounds simple, but buying those two bottles saved me.

Can you relate to my story? I would love to hear what worked for you to get you out of that dark place. Or you may be in that dark place now and need to be listened to and offered a new perspective.

Having ‘me’ time without the guilt

By On · Add Comment · In Balance, Guilt, Identity, Time

When I first become a mum, it was all about the baby and the baby’s needs and I forgot about my needs. I love connecting with people, going out and letting my hair down and felt after becoming a mum, I had to forget about that. It’s crazy the rules we make up, huh?! But I soon realized, to be a happy, relaxed mum, I needed time out with my husband, with my friends and have a good giggle. When I let go of those rules which were suffocating me, the results were amazing. I was then able to see the miracle I had created, what an incredible gift it is to be a mum and that I could still be me.

Fun feeds the soul so we need lashings of it.

What rules do you make up that don’t serve you? and What do you do for giggles?

One of the many guilts a mum carries with her

By On · 2 Comments · In Balance, Guilt

Do you find yourself shouting at your children because they will not do what you tell them to do? Then you feel guilty for the way you reacted and wished you had handled it better?

I am a mum of two young boys and I have been there and done it and the guilt is horrid. I wish I could take back what I had said and the way I said it but I can’t so the next best thing is to do things differently.

Here are my 3 top tips for handling those tough situations and keeping that guilt away…

Tip one – breath and count to 5

Don’t react by jumping straight in, take a step back, leave the room if you need to, breath and count to 5.  You will be in a much more calm, controlled space to deal with what is happening around you.

Tip two – Be fully present with your children

A lot of  misunderstandings occur when your children want your attention and your busy eg putting a wash on, sending that email. So they play up. Stop. Give them your full attention. The results are amazing when they have you all to themselves.

Tip three – be curious and listen

Children are incredibly bright, resourceful and very responsive when you are curious about them. Doesn’t everyone want to be heard and understood…even at 3 years of age. Find out what is going on, what is happening to have provoked the situation.

So these are my 3 top tips to a more calm and peaceful way of parenting.

Go and experiment. I would love to hear what works for you.

 

Savouring the moment

By On · Add Comment · In Time

If you are reading this, thank you for taking the time out of your busy life to do something that will give you some head space.  Some time for you. For being gentle to yourself.

Do you sometimes get so overwhelmed by what is going on around you, that you are not able to fully appreciate the magic of it.

I know I do. One such recent occasion was when we had our best friends over for Christmas dinner. My husband cooked an amazing meal made with lots of love and passion and it was a truly magical day. Full of fun, laughter, tenderness, silliness, dancing and lots more.

On the day I was so caught up in the moment and being fully present, it wasn’t until a few days later it truly hit me what a special, amazing day it had been. I gave myself permission to fully savour the moment. I took myself back to the day, who was there, the smells, the colours, the conversations, the gorgeous wine, the yummy food and fully embraced it. I felt high as a kite afterwards.

Take five minutes today, to sit down and savour a magical moment in your life. What made it magical? What thoughts come up? Who was there? How did it make you feel?

Take this feeling with you in whatever you do and wherever you go today.

We live life at such an intense pace, we sometimes forget the amazing journey we are on.

Finding my inner peace

By On · Add Comment · In Balance, Identity, Time

Where do you go when you want some peace, when you need some head space? And I don’t mean, where you go in your head, but where do you physically go to?

I go to Bikram yoga.

The first step is to create some time for you and then what to do with that precious time?

Birkam yoga was something I had done and loved before pregnancy, and then motherhood took over and it got pushed way down the line of ‘things I want to do’. Does this sound familiar?

After my second son, i truly craved some ‘me’ time and what I could do with that time that would truly feed my needs to connect with me again. The answer was simple. For me it was Bikram yoga. For you it might be something else. What is that? What gives you the space to connect with yourself, find your inner being, feel peace?

Or perhaps, you haven’t found it yet. How would it feel to find it? What would it give you?

Taking on challenges from a place of peace and calm, when you are grounded is very empowering.

I would love to hear from you and where YOU go. And if you don’t go anywhere, maybe someone’s place can inspire  you!

Balancing the magical and the practical

By On · Add Comment · In Balance

Life is certainly about balance, the ying and the yang and when it comes to being a mum, if we could just get the balance right between being a mum and everything else we have to do, want to do, we would unlock a great treasure.

I believe being a mum is amazing and magical. It’s like being wrapped up in a big blanket and given a huge hug.  The love, fun and laughter you get from your children, is truly magical. But with this there are also the practical bits that come with being a mum.

For those mums-to-be and mums that are struggling with their new ‘identity’, well….mums-to-be you are going to have a baby,  and mums, you have had your babies. Now let’s make the best of what we have!

The practical side of motherhood isn’t always enticing… whether your baby is not sleeping through the night and you desperately need some shut eye, your baby refuses to take the bottle and you want to have a night off with your friends, your baby will not eat his food and your beside yourself that he will get ill from lack of nutrients, i’ve been there and it’s scary! But I also know, it has passed and does make us stronger…somehow!

Whatever phase you are in, it will pass, hold onto that believe, really hold onto it. I am a true believer in living in the now and taking on challenges from a positive perspective. When things are hard, go to your happy place and if you don’t have one, go and search for it. A time when you were truly happy, were loved, felt safe, you were having lots of fun. Who were you with? Where were you? What smells can you remember? Now lock in that feeling and hold onto it. When things get too practical, go to your happy place and I promise you, whatever challenges that day will bring, you will deal with them from a much better place and be able to see the magic that you have around you.